super happy big eyes


From my favorite catalogue. Glasses and a found poem.


Konnichiwa! Now you can have anime eyes

without expensive makeup or surgery

adult size glasses that give you large eyes

perfect for Skype, FaceTime, and Google Meetups

limited vision — do not drive

or operate giant robots while wearing

just one of the mysteries

i'm not a scientist, man

i can tell you what recorded history says

i can tell you what the bible says

whether the earth was created

in seven days

or seven actual eras

i’m not sure we’ll ever

be able to answer that

it’s one of the great mysteries

--Marco Rubio (R-FL)

to my wife

From now on, you will wear

two-piece swim suits

when on vacations.

Angela, I need to know,

are you committed to being

my porn star?

I do not want to hear "no"

or "we’ll see about that."

I want my fantasies to be with you.

God has authorized you

and you only

as my partner for intimacy

and that is what I want.

Get ready!


--Representative Allen West (R--Florida)

the 47%

there are 47 percent of the people

who will vote for the president no matter

there are 47 percent who are with him

who are dependent upon government

who believe that they are victims

who believe that government has a responsibility

to care for them

who believe that they are entitled to health care

to food to housing to you name it

my role is not to worry about those people

--Mitt Romney

these purges of god

I think it’s rather peculiar

it’s not in keeping with

our founding documents

our founding vision

I’d guess you’d have to ask

the Obama administration

why they purged all this language

from their platform

why they did all this

these purges of God

--Paul Ryan

o absalom, my son, my son!

Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry

I've never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind the clouds
To hide its face and cry

Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves began to die?
Like me he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry

The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry

--Hank Williams


We’ve got a Muslim

for a President

who hates cowboys

hates cowgirls

hates fishing

hates farming

loves gays

and we hate him

--Hank Williams Jr. 

he made me laugh

I'm not sure if men really understand this

but I don't think there's a woman in America

who really expects her life to be easy


And that's fine

we don't want easy


We're too smart to know

there aren't easy answers


And that is where this boy I met

at a high school dance comes in

I could tell you why I fell in love with him

he was tall

laughed a lot

was nervous  

girls like that

it shows the guy's a little intimidated  

and he was nice to my parents

but he was really glad

when my parents weren't around


That's a good thing

and he made me laugh

 --Ann Romney

asparagus with chicken interlude

Having a piece of cake is just like

having asparagus, as far as I’m concerned,

so I’m, well, eat the asparagus then


Good chicken, good chicken, free people

exercising their free speech rights


I really like asparagus.

Part of it is how much I like asparagus

and how much I don’t like cake

I don’t eat cake


--Paul Ryan


I recognize the hand of providence in selecting this place.

I'm told in a Sunday school class I attended —

my son Tagg was teaching the class. He’s not here.

I look around to see. Of course he’s not here. He was in London.

He taught a class in which he was describing the concern

on the part of some of the Jews that left Egypt

to come to the promised land, that in the promised land

was down the River Nile, which would provide

the essential water they had enjoyed in Egypt.

They came here recognizing they must be relied upon,

themselves and the arm of God to provide rain from the sky.

--Mitt Romney

here today, gone tomorrow

(to those who must go to work)


We can be poor in spirit

and I don’t even consider myself wealthy

which is an interesting thing


I love the fact that there are women

out there who don’t have a choice

and they must go to work and they

still have to raise the kids

thank goodness

we value those people too

and sometimes life isn’t easy for any of us


Everybody has problems

everyone has issues

everyone in life has their challenges

mine have not been financial


--Ann Romney

whose pockets?

Corporations are people, my friend,

of course they are.

Everything corporations earn

ultimately goes to the people.

Where do you think it goes?

Whose pockets?

Whose pockets?

People's pockets.

Human beings, my friend.

--Mitt Romney



I believe in an America
where millions of Americans
believe in an America that's
the America millions of
Americans believe in.
That's the America I love.
--Mitt Romney


reality tv celebrity speaks

Obama, he's a piece of shit.

I told him to suck on my machine gun.

Hey, Hillary, you might want to ride

one of these into the sunset,

you worthless bitch.

If Barack Obama becomes

the president in November, again,

I will either be dead or in jail

by this time next year.

after a long heart & soul conversation

with Mitt Romney today I concluded

this goodman will properly represent

we the people & I endorsed him

--Ted Nugent


epidemical vanities

The title of William Prynne's book, published in 1628, as a poem:


The Unlovelinesse, of Love-lockes,

Or, A Summarie Discourse, Prooving,

the Wearing, and Nourishing of a Locke,

Or Love-locke, to be Altogether Unseemely,

and Unlawfull Unto Christians: ‪In which

There are Likewise Some Passages Collected

Out of Fathers, Councells, and Sundry Authors,

and Historians, Against Face-painting, the Wearing

of Supposititious, Poudred, Frizled,

Or Extraordinary Long Haire,

the Inordinate Affectation of Corporall Beautie,

and Womens Mannish, Unnaturall, Impudent,

and Unchristian Cutting of Their Haire,

the Epidemicall Vanities, and Vices of Our Age


it's like boom

So, for me, it really is KSW, and it’s just like,

it’s something that, uh, I don’t mince words with that.

And I won’t hesitate to put ethics in someone else,

because I put it ruthlessly in myself. And I think that

I…uh…I respect that, you know, in others. And, you know,

I’m there to help, and we’re here to help, and my opinion is

is that, look, either you’re on board or you’re not on board.

And uh, they said, “So, have you been an SP?” 

I looked at them and I thought, “What a beautiful thing,”

because maybe one day it will be like that, you know?

You know what I’m saying.

Maybe one day it will be that “Wow, SP,

they just read about those in the history books.” You know? 

it’s not how to run from an SP. It’s how to shatter suppression,

confront and shatter suppression. You apply it, and it’s like, boom.

--Tom Cruise

KSW: Keep Scientology Working

SP: Suppressive Person

the war on caterpillars

Well, for one thing,

if the Democrats said we

had a war on caterpillars,

and mainstream media outlet

talked about the fact

that Republicans have

a war on caterpillars,

then we have problems with caterpillars.

The fact of the matter is it’s a fiction

and this started a war

against the Vatican

that this president pursued.

--Reince Priebus

the netherlands

In the Netherlands, people wear

different bracelets if they are elderly.

And the bracelet is:

Do not euthanize me.

Because they have voluntary euthanasia

in the Netherlands, but half of the people

who are euthanized--ten percent

of all deaths in the Netherlands,

half of those people are euthanized

involuntarily at hospitals because

they are older and sick. And so

elderly people in the Netherlands

don’t go to the hospital.

They go to another country because

they are afraid, because of budget purposes,

they will not come out of that hospital

if they go in there with sickness.

--Rick Santorum

the other side of mitt

Q: I’ve seen him in casual conversation.

He comes off

very smooth and okay, but

sometimes he comes off stiff.

Do you have to fight back some criticism,

like "My husband isn’t stiff, OK?”


A: Well, you know, I guess

we better unzip him

and let the real Mitt Romney out

because he is not!

--Ann Romney

(the Mitt-stabilizer)

the father of lies

Satan has his sights on

the United States of America

this is a spiritual war

and the Father of Lies has

his sights on what you would think

the Father of Lies would have his sights on:

a good, decent, powerful, influential country

if you were Satan

who would you attack in this day and age?

There is no one else to go after

other than the United States

--Rick Santorum

the person from romney

I understand

but just understand

they sent a Romney person

to our speech

he fed the line to all

the reporters

and everybody in that 

everybody in that room

even the reporters said

oh yes we understood

what you meant but

you know the Romney

people said this to us

so we had to ask you about it 

that’s what happened

--Rick Santorum